The Apocalypse Hang-Over

**disclaimer:  this post was intended to be timely for the day-after-the-end-of-the-world, but sometimes vino happens. Enjoy.



As I sit here in bed, at 2pm on the day after the #EndoftheWorld, my raging Pisco hangover collides with the hang over of the Apocalypse.  As much of a joke it was, everyone was a bit more contemplative yesterday.  Even just the thought of knowingly coming to the end of your life is horrifying and awesome at the same time.


my life.
my life.


But weren’t you a little scared?  Did you get a little feeling in your tummy that made you start to self reflect on your life thus far?  Good.  Maybe that was the purpose of this alleged event.

All day today, I was wondering around with a huge smile on my face.  Because it suddenly hit me:  if the world were to end tomorrow/tonight/whenever the eff those Mayans got ADHD and stop creating the calendar, I would be ok with it.


Now, if you are taking my last comment as a morbid death wish, stop. It’s not.  I don’t want the world to end tomorrow.  There are so many aspirations and cool sh*t I have yet to accomplish.  It simply a confession of content.  I have lived my life to the best of my ability.  I am on an adventure that is thrilling in every single moment.  I have my friends and family close (in theory. via technology).  I am completely at peace with my existence, and it is a weird feeling.

Thus, I’ve decided that instead of being stoked the world is not necessarily ending and going back to all of our toxic ways of living, we should pretend like it ended and start over.  To do away with all of the toxic things in our lives and create exactly what we want in our existence.  You are allowed to start over whenever your little heart desires, so what better time than now?

Things we can do without in this weird new world:

1. mullets: self explanatory.  Doesn’t your neck get hot?  Don’t you wonder what it looks like from the back?  Just stop.



2.  Self doubt:  If you don’t think you are the coolest fcking thing since sliced bread, who will?  Truth:  in a world full of haterz, you have to be your biggest fan.  Doubting yourself is not cute.  Being the person in the room that complains about how terrible their eyelashes hang or how much they wish they could fly  is not fun.  Not for you.  Not for anyone.  Stop holding yourself back and dive into that STD infested hot tub that is life with some confidence.

3.  Jobs that we hate:  didn’t the rapid approach of the End of the World teach you anything?  Living your life as a 9-5 office slave is worse than death by paper cuts.  If you’re thinking:  I love my office job!  I get post-it’s FOR FREE!  Stop right this second.  Do you really LOVE punching numbers and excel spreadsheets?  Do you really enjoy being crammed into a cubicle with a man you are certain hasn’t showered in a decade?  You like that?  If you do, then by all means keep on keepin on, because you’ve found your calling.  If you are doing a job that you hate purely for the money, this one’s for you.  Quit and get out before you turn into a “lifer”.  You are too young to be this responsible.  Seriously. Stop.

job hate


4.  Hate in general:  Why is hate even still a thing?  What good comes from it?  How many people need to die and generations do we need to ruin before we realize this this is toxic?  Hate culminates hate in every situation. There is no possible way that a cycle of hate can miraculously bring love. It takes one head pulled out of one ass to stop the cycle.  You can be that guy!  You can. Be that guy.



5.  Judgement:  This is coming from the former queen of judgement.  You best believe I would judge the sh*t out of you if you walked into the room with the wrong outfit or told me something I didn’t agree with.  But through my super long existence of 23 years, I’ve discovered how utterly useless this pastime really is.  All you’re doing is ruining those 5 precious years of girl scouts and breaking the golden rule:  don’t put people down to make yourself feel better.  I actually don’t think that’s the golden rule at all. Nor was I in girl scouts.  But this is the new world and I do what I want.  So stop being a judge judy and get on withcha life.

*are you judging my use of  at the end of my sentences right now?  didn’t think so.

does he look like Craig a bit? (yes)
does he look like Craig a bit? (yes)



Things that are invited to the new world

1.  Dreadlock mullets:  Duh.  The regular mullet style should definitely go down with the old world, but this new and improved love child of nappy hair-chains IN a mullet is pure magic.



2.  Compassion:  For all things and people.  ALL.  The old world was all about individualism and one-time-use and wastefulness and mean things and violence and not holding doors open for people and saying hello to strangers and getting yours before others.  The new world is all about the tribe of humans and cute lil animals and the earth that makes up the earth.  It’s like why not care for other things?  Why not go out of your way to make someone’s day?  Why not only use what you need?  If you give me 39-24903294034903 good reasons, then you can keep living how you were before this brave new world began.



3.  Yoga:  There is not one single person on this earth that wouldn’t benefit from yoga.  Not a single one.  Before you hate on it and think it’s boring and start getting scared you’ll fart really loud in class and are self conscious about how your butt looks in spandex, STOP it.  Almost everyone looks awkward doing yoga. Serious.  Swallow your pride and stop your judging and try it out.


4.  Reckless Adventures:  They are definitely invited to this party.  Reckless adventures make the world go ’round.  And by reckless, I don’t mean dying in the process.  Reckless means not focusing on the consequences and future and just doing it.  Pack your bags on a whim and just go for it.  It is the most freeing thing on earth. I say this because I could not be more thrilled with my decision to move to an unknown land by myself.  If that’s too hefty of a step, start small.  Don’t give one or two fcks, give zero, and go.  Am I the most eloquent writer?  Some would say.


it's real.
it’s real.


5.  All of the good and beauty from your past world:  Bring it all.  Your family, lover, dog, passions, favorite things, kindness, laughter, tears, babies, sloths, cats, vino, and magic.  They are all invited to this strange new world.  Leave behind all the toxic aspects of your life and start with the good only.  Allow yourself the freedom to grow on a good foundation, without the baggage you were carrying around previously.  Ask yourself what makes your little heart beat, and expand on it ten-fold.





Take a nice big sigh of relief that you have another day to live and grow and exist.  Think of it as a second chance on life.  Like a near death experience, but without the killer adrenaline rush.  Don’t waste a single moment on inauthenticity or judgement or pleasing others or negativity.  Ask yourself what you want and DO IT.  Life is too short to not live fully each and everyday.  Live it like it was your last.  Rawr.

Namaste bebes.



OH and P.S. If you care, here is a brief synopsis of my life as of late:

– I fell in love

– I fell out of love

– got an internship/slaveship as a sleezy journalist with the Santiago Times

– I’ve become highly fluent in Spanglish

– took a solo trip to Santiago for a week

– came close to death on a solo trip to Santiago for a week

–  fell in love again

–  moved into the best house on earth in Valparaiso

–  got sunburnt

– fell in love again

–  drink/drank a lotta veen

–  I am loving my life more than I thought was possible.

That’s basically the PG version of my life for now.  Sending love to all people!


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