I’ve recently become aware that Valentines Day is approaching us. Like calling “happy baby” pose “dead baby” in your yoga class , it’s inevitable. It’s going to happen. It did happen. We can’t run from it. Nor can we pretend it’s not there. Because it is. And I did. So lets hit it head on and deal with these issues. K baibe?
Now, before you start to sob or wish death upon me/the world, lets work through this V-day struggle together. Every other year I’ve labeled this day in February as “singles awareness day” and cursed all of the happy couples around me. I would then proceed to get wine (hammered) drunk,eat my body weight in chocolate (from the bulk bins in Whole Foods, not the store bought kind. obv.), and watch The Notebook in a snuggie, cry, and wonder why I wasn’t in love. I’m kidding. Kinda….Ew.
We all know that Valentines Day is a Hallmark holiday that serves no purpose but to a) reconfirm that your love is only shown through materiel things for your significant other, b) confirm your single status, c) drain your bank account, d) provide a reason to get wine wasted and watch romantic comedies, or e) all of the above? It’s quite a joke to be quite honest. But this year I’ve decided to look at February 14th as a day of love with the entire world. Almost like a little day of gratitude that you can tell every one and everything how much you love it/them, without a retraining order, etc. We have such a complex against uttering “I love you” because it makes us vulnerable and super cheesy. But in reality, we don’t say it enough. And who knows, it could be the last words you utter to a person. Every one that has had someone die in their life regrets not being able to tell them how much they love them.
So this year, make it a day of love with the world. If you’re in a relationship, don’t just buy each other stupid gifts and bang all night. Like, do something meaningful. OR don’t do anything and just pretend it’s another day. If you’re single: DO NOT THROW YOURSELF A PITY PARTY. Don’t you dare. Pity parties are so 90’s. Stop it. You’re not the only single person in the world. Far from it actually. There are 2320644660 single people on earth. whaaaaaat?! Rage. Look how many fish are in that sea! So many.
Singleton is really not the worst place to be in your life right now. In fact, it’s probably the best time to be single. We are young, adventurous, and do not need to be tied down unnecessarily right now. This is a time to figure your sh*t out so that you can love someone fully without the emotional baggage. Being the crazy girl or boy in the relationship is so 2006. This is a time to soul search and world search. It’s a time to do all of the things you want to do without holding back. It’s a time to get craay craaay and not care who knows it.
It’s also a known fact that you will meet your soul’s counterpart doing what you love to do. You like to collect toasters? Do it. That like minded toaster-collecting stud of your dreams will be there. Do you enjoy going to petting zoo’s dressed as a panda? Go there! You’ll find the panda-loving person of your dreams. Hold the phone though… This idea only works with innocent and non-creepy passions. If you are a serial killer, please don’t continue to do it until you find a lover with the same mind. If you enjoy pedophile-ing on small children via selling drugs and offering candy, well, first of all stop it, and second don’t think that finding another person with similar pedophilic taste is going to satisfy you. Quite simply, if you are looking for love, stop it. Stop looking and it will appear out of nowhere. And then many lovers will appear, and then you will have too much love and will have to choose. It’s a rough life. Trust me. More importantly, enjoy singleton while it lasts. You have your whole life ahead of you to nest and make babies or whatever it is that birds and people do.
Obviously, there are those people in our lives that found their “soulmate” and are happily married. While I was skeptical to accept pre-30 marriage, there is really no set time that is too young or too old to tie the knot. If you find “them”, keep ’em. I guess… BUT that doesn’t mean get married to the first person you fall in love with. I think you need a few practice runs before you make that leap. You have to know the lack and abundance of love before you can decide if it’s the real thing. But this blog is obviously not about relationship advice. Clearly, I would be the least respected scholar in that area. I am cynical because I am not in the love boat and don’t plan to be for quite some time. Wait. I mean I love too many people to pick just one. Wait. What? I love you. Those that know me, know I am not a monogamous person by any stretch of the imagination. I am aiming to change that. One day….. Definitely not today though. Or tomorrow.
At this point, I am more an observer to love. On a daily basis I witness people loving each other (No. I’m not peering into people’s windows to witness this. pull your mind outta that gutter.) I mean I witness all types of love from disastrous unhealthy bonds to head-over-heels lust to pure undiluted love. I feel that I can point out a good relationship from a bad one. And trust me, there are some bad ones. People feel the need to stay in detrimental relationships because they’re afraid to be alone. Being alone is not the same as being single, might I add. (Alone is like isolated in Antarctica with no one to talk to but a wolf mother. Single is like being the panda bear that escaped the zoo and is now roaming the world, flinging poo and making pandemonium. Huge difference, obv.)
I’ve played the role of a meditator and counselor to many friends, and have seen the ugly side of love. I’ve also seen the beautiful side of it in my own experiences, and know that actual true love is out there. Now, obviously I am only a spectator in this game, but it has taught me more about love than I could’ve witnessed being in a relationship. I’ve kind of lived vicariously through other relationships and gained the knowledge without the emotional attachment. It’s fun. Until it’s not. My point is that live your single life to the fullest. Stop being jealous of other’s relationships (or lack there of). The grass is always greener, so accept it and move on.
And before you throw yourself a single party in your room by yourself, stop it. Just stop it. Go out and do something for yourself. Don’t hate on the day. If anything, hate on what our society has created the day to be. Don’t send death thoughts to the couples you will inevitably notice all day. It’s not nice, nor productive. Be in love with whatever’s around you and put on your positive panties. Fall in love with yourself and move on.
Oh, and when you get bored of being super positive, here is an list of alternative things to do (besides hating the world and watching The Notebook 789 times) on February 14th:
– Buy a monkey and perch it on your shoulder
– Go to a petting zoo dressed as a Panda (Consider this one done….)
– Lose your virginity
– Fly a kite with a dwarf (Thanks for this magical idea, Kersten)
– Drink copious amounts of wine in public (while STILL being socially accepted)
– Eat chocolate until your die of an overdose. Kidding. Don’t die.
– Flee the country to a faraway place where they don’t celebrate the holiday
– Plant a tiny sandwich in the middle of a side walk, then host a social experiment to witness people’s reaction (Spoiler alert: they will think it came from a dwarf or tiny child)
– Get childish Valentines cards like we got when we were adolescents, and give them to your friends (but instead of candy, attach pictures of cats or random babies
– Volunteer. somewhere. anywhere.
– Go salsa dancing with an international student
– Walk around town in a poncho playing the ukelele
– Plant a tree
– Spread marijuana seeds around the town.
– Make a baby. J/k. Don’t do that.
– Hand out free hugs on the street (careful, only to people without shanks/knives and that are clean-ish)
– Start a revolution
– Listen to all of the sad songs you know, throw up, then listen to really happy songs
– Hang out with a child (Not if you have a past of pedophiling though. Stay away from children in that case.)
– Hang out with an elderly person and learn life lessons
– Buy a harmonium and then play it (BTW, I am starting a fund to buy a harmonium. You are more than welcome to contribute. K thanksss)
– Dress like a pirate and blast Skrillex outside of a church. Not near me though, please.
– Hand out slutty homemade coupons to strangers and pretend you will follow through (but obviously don’t. I’m not advocating slutty behavior)
– Citizen arrest someone that is committing hate crimes
– Go out and RAGE
– Crochet/knit your own snuggie for next year
– Give away your worldly possessions and go on an adventure
– Do yoga (errrrday)
– Call your someone you haven’t talked to in a long time
– Start a conversation with a stranger
– Delete your facebook
– Become a better person
– Make a painting
– Get a tattoo
– Buy a meal then give it to someone who needs it more
– Bueno Vista
– Muff cabbage your neighbor (No one knows what this means. Not even me. But if you find out, do it, and lemme know how it goes)
SEE?!?! Valentines Day can be sooooo fun! But in seriousity (made that word up), it can be a wonderful day. This Tuesday, tell everyone in your life that you love them, and do something nice. Be kind to the entire world. Live through a love lens. It’s la vie en rose. Life in pink. Life in love. Not with a person, but the entire world.
I literally, figuartively, and physically love you.